first time for everything

We went to Walmart for some grocery shopping tonight, and Tate wasn't exactly on his best behavior. In his defense, he was probably pretty tired, as we'd had a long day, but nevertheless, misbehaving children don't get to buy the new Hot Wheels car they hand-picked. Of course, this denial-of-prize was followed with one of the worst tantrums he's thrown since his surgery. It's hard to believe that tantrums like this were a daily occurrence pre-op. I really am not sure how I dealt with it for so long without completely losing my mind. Or maybe I did lose my mind. Or maybe my mind just stepped away from the situation for a bit and went out for a drink. Yep, I think that's it. I went to my happy place (not literally of course, no need to call DSS and tell them I abandoned my child). But somehow, Tate and I both made it through all those kicking, screaming tantrums. 


You know how they say that different kids have different personalities, even when they're related, raised together by the same parents, etc, etc? I never had the issues with Jake and Noah that I have with Tate. They were disciplined, but they obeyed well, and usually taking away a privilege or a toy was enough to make my point and get them to behave. Then came Tate. As he grew up and became more strong-willed and stubborn, I thought This one is my challenge. This one is going to be my willful (and incidently, last!) child. I really just thought he was a brat.... as in, that was his personality - BRAT. I never realized how much pain he was in until it was gone (I don't think he did either). I know I've said it before, but he really has completely changed since his surgery, and it gets better every day. EVERYONE has noticed it... everyone who spends any time with him has commented on how happy he is now. Days like today... (actually, I should say tonight, because I had the boys out ALL DAY, and they all did really well until tonight....) are few and far between. I think what's left of the tantrums and behavior issues are just him being 4 years old, and we'll keep working on discipline for that. But I'm so glad that it's so infrequent now. He's a sweet kid with a smile and a hug for all his friends and family, and that's the boy I always knew hoped was under that brat exterior.


So yeah, I have a point to my long-winded story. At some point during Tate's tantrum in the car on the way home from Walmart (did I mention I am glad he saved it for the car instead of the store, so I could avoid getting those stares from people?) he was crying a lot and must have rubbed his eye. Yeah, the fake one. So when we got home, I was holding him and talking to him about his terrible behavior while we were out. I kept getting distracted during our conversation by his "crazy eye". I wasn't sure why it was crazy, but it sure as heck didn't look right. So I laid him down on the couch and turned the light on. I pulled up his top eyelid... no red dot. Uh oh. You may remember from a previous post that dot marks the top of his eye so we know how to put it in correctly. So I pull his lower lid down. Yep, red dot. So I tell Todd.... Um, honey, Tate's eye is upside down. (There are certain things you never thought you'd have to say, that would be one of them.) So we take him upstairs to get our fancy suction-cup-on-a-stick to attempt to take his eye out for the first time. 


Now, you've had the backstory... you do realize that this means that he's not exactly cooperative to the phrase Tate, we're just going to take your eye out because it's upside down. We'll clean it and put it right back in, ok? Yeah, notsomuch. He starts crying (without the kicking this time, thank goodness) but we can't exactly take his eye out with him fighting us and flailing his arms all around. Maybe when we're better at it, but remember, this is the first time. We try distracting him, being silly, giving him his stuffed animals to keep his hands busy, all to no avail. I told Todd that we needed to pray. That was all I could think of... that we needed to pray for him to be calm and to know that he wouldn't have pain, and that we were doing what was best for him. He really calmed down after we prayed, and with very little struggle from Tate, we got his eye out. I really expected to hear a POP! sound, but it didn't happen (yeah, I was a little bummed about that). I washed his eye while Todd comforted him, put some mineral oil on it, and after a few minutes of talking to him about it, promising him the car that he didn't get tonight, a bowl of popcorn and a family movie (hey, don't judge, you do what you gotta do when your kid needs his eye put back in), he agreed to let me put it back in. So all is well, we got over the obstacle that we were nervous about, and we all survived it. :)  


Sorry I don't have any photos, I kinda had my hands full. Photos soon, though, I promise. I will hopefully have some to share soon from our trip to California earlier this week. We had a nice little 3 day mini-vacation for the boys' spring break, and let me tell ya, it was just what the doctor ordered. 

silly boy

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. There's this crazy thing called work, and I've been having to go a lot more than I used to! I'm working full-time nights now, still juggling my booming photography business, 3 kids and a husband, and trying to keep the walls of my house from falling down and the laundry pile shorter than me. It's insane all the time, and next week, ALL THREE boys start soccer. You know... because we didn't have enough going on, and I like to find things to do in my spare time. Besides sleep, that is. I am completely dependent on my calendar lately, and my biggest fear is that I will forget a photo session and not show up. Yes, seriously. I have nightmares about it. You know, when I actually get to sleep... which is usually from about 4am to 7am each morning. More than enough, really. So if you've booked a photo session with me, it's probably not a bad idea to send me an email or facebook me a day or two before the session... I wish I was kidding. I mean, I don't think that would really happen... I wouldn't really forget... but just in case. 


Tate is doing great. He is happier with each day, and honestly a pure joy to be around. I absolutely adore him. I remember the days that he was throwing full-on kicking and crying tantrums every morning, and now that seems like a lifetime ago. It makes me sad for him that he was in so much pain before, that this surgery completely changed his personality. I wonder if we should have done it sooner... but if you've been reading my blog, you know that it took a while for us to be certain that this was the right move at all, so I know it was all in God's timing. I am forever grateful that we were confident going into this surgery, and even more grateful that our decision has been confirmed over and over... with each smile on his face. Speaking of his face, I got to see a lot of his faces today. Thought we'd share some with you... 

Also, I'd like you to meet Tate's new friend. 

He loves his bunny, and decided to take him to run errands with us a couple of days ago. I realized that Tate hadn't named him yet, so we had a little conversation about it... it went like this:
Me: Tate, I like your bunny. You haven't named him yet... what are you going to name him? 
Tate: What do you think his name is, Mommy? (This is Tate's way of asking what I think we should name him)
Me: How about Peter? Like Peter Cottontail?
Tate: Is that what you think his name is? 
Me: Actually, what about Cotton? That's a cute name! Like Peter Cottontail! (Singing) Here comes Peter Cottontail, hoppin' down the bunny trail, hippity hoppity Easter's on its way....
Tate: Nah, I'll just name him Boxes of Wood. 


I love that kid. 

the making of tate's prosthetic eye...

Ready to roll! Conformer is out....

Numbing drops...

You'll see the purpose of that stem sticking out of his eye in the next photo...

This is how he gets the impression... Tate obviously wasn't a huge fan of this, but he did GREAT.

Waiting for it to set.... about 4 minutes.

Mr Boyd was documenting also!

First fitting

The "stem" is still on the prosthetic... making sure his eyes will be looking the same direction.

Initial painting

Checking the base color to see how he's doing

He has this awesome light/magnifying glass so he can see all the colors in Tate's real eye and match them up.

Poked and prodded all day and still my happy boy!

Wow. Cool, huh? The red dot marks the top of his eye.

Trying it on... can't tell what needs to be adjusted until he's wearing it.

Iris needs to be bigger and moved down... also he will trim some of the white off the lower outer lid area.

Taking it out with a special suction cup.

Making adjustments....

Looking good!

Putting it back in. Did I mention how brave my little guy was???

His eyelids were swollen, made worse by his cold. As you saw from the photo in the previous post, it settled down even before we left the office. We will call Mr Boyd in about a month and go in to have any "fine-tuning" done that may need done. His prosthesis will settle more over time, and the swelling made a big difference. It's really amazing to see my boy with 2 eyes!

I am so incredibly proud of Tate. He really amazes me with the strength he continues to have despite everything he's been through. God definitely gives us what we need! 

tate's new eye

This is going to be a short post... I'm exhausted. But this day was phenomenal. Tate got his new eye made today and he loves it! We all do. I'll do a more in-depth, tons-of-photos post in a day or two, but for now, I just wanted to let you know that it went very well! Thank you again for all of your support! 


This is Tate with his ocularist, Michael Boyd! Thank you, Mr Boyd. We are so happy!

here we go!

The appointment time has arrived. The surgeon has given the go-ahead, the bribes rewards have been decided, and the child is getting a good night's rest. We are leaving bright and early (7am) to head to Burlington for Tate's appointment to have his prosthetic eye made. It's an all-day appointment, but we won't have to stay in the office all day. There will be several stages to the appointment, and we'll be able to come and go between them. The part that I'd like to request prayer for, of course, is getting a good impression. This is where he has to be still for THREE WHOLE MINUTES. I bet most of you couldn't do that. Yeah, neither could I. So... prayers are appreciated (as always!) and I will keep facebook updated during the day. I have been given permission by the ocularist to bring my camera to the appointment and document the day for all of you. I hope that I'll at least be able to do a quick update tomorrow night, but I may not be able to do a full post on it until Sunday or so. For those of you who don't know, I'm back to working full-time nights now at the airline, so I keep really busy anyway, but we're planning to take the boys to the zoo on Saturday if the weather holds out, as an extra prize for Tate. 


I can't believe this day is finally here. It's been such a whirlwind. It's hard to believe it's been 6 weeks since his surgery already, but on the other hand, it seems like it's been forever. We're getting used to seeing him without an eye now. I remember when he first started going without his bandage that I flinched a couple of times when I looked at him. Not because I was grossed out or anything, but just because I would forget for a minute. That's a good thing.... to not think about it all the time. He's such a happy, normal kid. And that's all I want for him. He's still not excited about getting his new eye. I asked him tonight if he wanted to bring his new sock monkey that his Nana got him... he said "No, Mommy, I don't want him to get hurt." That breaks my heart. We've reassured him again and again that it won't hurt. I told him a couple of weeks ago when he was worried about it hurting that it would hurt even less than his surgery did. He said "But my surgery didn't hurt!" I told him that was great and that everything would be easy-peasy then. I know he's scared. I mean, really... he's 4 years old. It has to be nerve-wracking... just the anticipation alone. He doesn't know what to expect (frankly, neither do I) but I really think he'll do great. 


The timing seems good to get his prosthetic. He has a little cold, and apparently, that makes his eye socket pretty gunky. I was cleaning it today, and let me put it this way, I thought I'd never get all that stuff out through those little holes in his conformer. Sorry people, this is my new reality, so I'm sharing it with all of you. You're welcome. I'm hoping it will be easier to clean with an eye that comes out as opposed to a conformer that doesn't (or at least, it shouldn't). 


I can't wait to see what Tate looks like with two eyes that look the same. That's something he's never had. I hear a lot from people who have prosthetic eyes, or who have kids that do, that no one can tell. But I know his eye won't move the same as his real eye, and it may have a different look to it, but I know that however it turns out, it'll be so much better than what he had before! 


I want to thank all of you again for all the support and prayers we've received throughout Tate's journey. It means more to us than you'll ever realize. Hopefully we are towards the end of the dramatic portion of this journey, but of course, I'll keep you updated on him. Maybe I'll even blog about something else someday. Anyone want to see the letter I sent to Sprint's CEO? It prompted a call-back from the executive office.... 

one month post-op (with lots of photos, so i don't bore you to death)

It's been a month and 2 days since Tate's surgery... it feels like it's been years. It's so fantastic to be at peace. Even better - that Tate is at peace. He has been making no effort to wear a patch or bandage. He just wears his glasses every day. He isn't self-conscious (bonus of having this done at 4 years old!) and he doesn't seem to think about it anymore at all. He has said that his eye never hurts anymore, and even though I've heard that a hundred times now, it still brings tears to my eyes. When we made the decision in November to have this surgery done, we thought we'd never really know if it was the right thing to do... that we'd never know if we could have or should have waited... but God made it clear in the last few weeks before surgery that Tate couldn't wait. Even then, it was a gut-wrenching decision. But not anymore. Those feelings of anxiety are all gone. We have complete peace. And let me tell you, that is a great feeling. God is good!

We are starting another countdown. Tate will have his prosthetic eye made on February 25th. Only 10 more days! We see his surgeon on the 22nd for a followup from the surgery. We are praying for a good report, that everything is healing well (as it seems to be), so we can go on with the appointment with the ocularist on the 25th. It will be a long day next Friday... it'll take something like 8 hours from start to finish. But he will have his eye by the time we leave that day! I am hoping to take my camera and document the day... I need to call and make sure it's ok. 

I can't wait to see what my kiddo looks like afterward! I'm sure he'll be just as handsome as ever. :) I have perused the internet and youtube, looking for photos and videos of people with prosthetic eyes. I think it typically is a bit obvious (although that might be because I'm looking for it), but I figured that even if they don't look identical, or if you can tell that there's something "off" about his eye, it'll still look better than his real eye ever did! 

Tate, on the other hand, isn't so excited about it. He is very nervous about the whole idea of having an eye that we'll have to take out sometimes to clean. His conformer doesn't come out, and he's happy with that. He isn't concerned at all about having 2 eyes that look alike, so that doesn't increase his interest in getting his new eye. I really need him to be ok with getting his new eye made. He has to be still for THREE MINUTES for the mold to set in his eye socket. That means no flinching, squinting, anything.... they have to get a good impression of the eye socket to be able to do a good job making his eye. I honestly don't know if I could sit still for three whole minutes! Please pray that he will be relaxed and at ease for that important time during his appointment. 

We went to visit family in Kentucky this past weekend. We were there to celebrate my Dad's 60th birthday! It was a fun and much-needed trip. I snuck out one morning to take some photos of the boys out by a barn. With the exception of my little models being hounded by a neighbor dog (pun intended), it  was a fun quick session! Thought I'd share a few.... 

This handsome guy is my oldest, Jake. Sorry ladies, he's only 10! :) 

This is my super-sweet Noah, my middle kid.

Tate really is a little rock star. 

I ordered the boys some fedoras from Knuckleheads Clothing... Tate loved his, and wanted to show it off for some photos while his big brothers were doing homework this afternoon. 

Thanks for checking in on my little guy once again! We appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers! 

~jenn

worth celebrating

Wow. Remember right after Tate's surgery when I said that I was happy that Tate would be pain-free, but I wasn't quite ready to celebrate the fact that he had to have his eye removed? How quickly things change. He is SO happy, the behavior issues he had before are at a minimum, and he is the sweetest thing in the world. Did I mention how happy he is? 

Now THAT'S worth celebrating.